I’m not very good at ranting. I used to be really longwinded in the grand yesteryears of bygone days, but that passed sometime around high school and I have been pretty succinct ever since. Naturally, this makes opinion posts relatively difficult. I admire those who are able to drag out an entire blog post composed entirely of his/her opinions. I generally have to throw in funny gifs and poorly-constructed jokes to distract from the fact that I’m floundering. If you’re still following my blogs then you haven’t noticed yet, and I thank you for your oblivious patronage.
As I was discussing this shortcoming with my friend, Keilah, she suggested I write a blog post with a bunch of little rants instead of one long train wreck. So, for the next 491 words, I hope you enjoy my list of 10 Things I Have Words About.
- Rubik’s cubes. I don’t get it. I’ve watched the YouTube videos. I know the algorithm thing. I just can’t get it right.
- People who hold grudges. As a woman, I am technically supposed to be one of these people. I’ll admit, I will probably maintain passionate disdain for vampire novels and boy bands for… well, ever. However, I’m generally not very good at staying mad at someone long enough to reply curtly to a text or shoot them an icy glare the next time we meet. It’s not like I’m judging people who hold grudges, because it’s not by my own good will that I’m not one of those people. There was probably just some dumb luck floating around in the gene pool that happened to drift my way.
- People who think they’re smarter than they really are. Oh, wait, that’s me.
- People who think they’re funnier than they really are. Me, again.
- Coffee drinkers. I don’t have anything against coffee. I love the smell, and if you throw enough milk and sugar in there, the taste isn’t bad either. My problem is that I can’t actually drink coffee, because my body tends to overreact. I get headaches and stomachaches at the slightest whisper of stress. I don’t get stressed out. My body does. In the same way, when I drink something with more caffeine than a diet Pepsi, I start shaking like a cannibal… Ok, so maybe that comparison was a little weird. For those of you that don’t know, consuming human flesh makes your hands shake. I learned this from Book of Eli… Good movie. Anyway, I hate coffee drinkers because their bodies probably don’t send them into a fit after every little coffee fix.
- Women drivers. I suck at driving. And I’m a woman. Beware.
- Diet drinks are bad for me. I can’t even begin to count how many people have seen me drinking a diet Pepsi and said in an I-know-everything-because-I-have-access-to-the-internet tone, “Y’know, diet is actually worse for you than regular.” First of all, I don’t care. Second, I have diabetes. Which means emphasis on the “die” part if I drink regular soda. Third, no. They put chemicals in diet that they don’t put in regular, but they also leave out an entire meal’s worth of carbs. And I’m being literal when I say that. There is an average of about 60-70 carbs in each can of regular soda. This is the equivalent to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bag of chips, and an apple. Or a cup of rice/pasta and a taco. That’s a lot. And you drink that alongside a full meal. Sometimes when you go out to restaurants, you drink several. So leave me alone.
- Laziness/procrastination. I’ll write this one later.
- Redundancy. The extent of my intense hatred for redundancy is intensely extensive.
- Cats vs. dogs. You know, Melanie… You know.